Diary of a Renegade Scrapbooker

scrapbooking and other randomness

i am back again. so soon. i don't know if i can keep up my blogging stamina! lol. but lately i have been in such a creative mood and then i want to share what i make. so as long as the creative streak keeps up i guess you can expect to see me around here a lot. :)

i have had a nice lazy morning. listening to alicia keys on repeat. love that song "a woman's worth". just love it. it kinda inspired one of the layouts i am sharing today. this one.....

the journaling is about learning to love oneself. this is something i have struggled with the past few years. i was carrying around all this guilt over mistakes made in life, had been worn down from the demise of my marriage and what i went through with that....and was just feeling really really down about myself and who i was as a woman. and i started to accept treatment from others that i did not deserve. i stopped standing up for myself and allowed myself to be in an unhealthy relationship. to be walked all over. and it took me a long time, and the help of my therapist to realize it was because i didn't love myself anymore. this saying is oh so true.......

 

it's been a long hard journey getting back to a place of loving myself, who i am, again. and i'm still walking that path. still not completely where i want to be. but at least i am working on myself with an awareness now that i have to figure all this stuff out. these open wounds within myself have to be healed so that i can move on in peace. and having awareness is the first step towards fixing anything in life. you have to be aware there is a problem in the first place and what that problem is before you can do anything about it.

but i am SO thankful i am in a much better place now. things are moving in such a positive direction in my life and even though i still have a lot of work to do, i do love myself again. i had to let go of the past. let go of my mistakes and stop punishing myself for them. learn to stop worrying so much about the future and to enjoy the present moment. and most importantly, i had to learn to forgive myself. and all those who hurt me. 

alrighty then. enough deep stuffs! :) this layout of lily bean makes me SMILE! she's always good for that. i just looooooooooove how it came out.

  

and one for my boys.......

 

well i guess that's it this time around. see you soon! 

peace!
 

why i scrapbook.......

that above layout.....that's why i scrapbook.

when i make something that is really, truly a part of myself....that to me is ART. some of my best work has been done when i have been struggling with something in life. when i am hurting, when i am going through something tough...it's almost instinct. i reach for the camera. the paper. the glue. i make something. something real. something tangible. my feelings and emotions documented on a page. ah. it's my own personal therapy. and that my friends, is why i scrapbook. i scrapbook for ME. 

the above layout is about my struggle with depression. the words are actually a poem i wrote. i journal. every single damn day. i fill up a composition book in about two weeks. i write poetry. i write random thoughts. and some of what i write turns into a scrapbook page. thus this poem.

depression is something that's almost taboo to talk about. there is this stigma attached to it. i know so many friends who deal with the same thing. yet they are afraid to talk about it. like it's a dirty word or something. i say bullshit! let's talk about it. and as women share our stories and struggles. an astonishing number of people in our country are dealing with depression. it's nothing new. it's almost the norm nowdays. which is something that intrigues me in and of itself. why? why so many people. but anyways.....i struggle with depression. and i am not ashamed of that. i am dealing with it. and this poem is about things that have been brought out during my therapy and in gaining a clearer understanding of what exactly this disease is and how to overcome it. 

i have never been a part of that "judgmental, look down your nose at others" clique. i have always been someone who tries to understand. i love meeting new people and hearing their stories. there is beauty in everyone's own personal story. and one of the best things about life, for me, is when someone opens up to me and really shares a part of themselves with me. i love connecting with others. i feel we are all the same. all struggling to make it in this life and what we all need is a little more understanding and a lot more LOVE!!!!!! so many people have emailed me in the past just to tell me that the little pieces of myself that i shared in my scrapbooking helped them in some way or another. and that's why i share what i make. to connect. to share my story. in the hopes that someone out there on the other side of the computer screen will relate. and will say........damn. i know exactly  what she is saying.